after a YEAR or TWO..

after a year of being quiet, where am I? what happened?

still holding on to pain?tired of HIM? I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS TAKEN FOR GRANTED?

i dont know exactly what to say..

NOW WHAT? I'm currently employed to Aegis PeopleSupport for almost 11 mos. now, under reader's digest account.. trying to be busy with my work and loving my TEAM O. also gaining weight! haha.. could have been the result of stress and depression.. i dont know.

yeah we're still seeing each other, nothin's new right? but a lot of things were different, now all my questions were answered, WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO US? OR SHOULD I REPHRASE IT to: WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME? i dont feel that there is still "US."

These are all i get for being so stubborn, stupid and being so inlove. trying to understand his situation, trying to wait.. I TRIED TO SAVE OUR RELATIONSHIP. i tried to overcome the pain, my pride.. but i dont think now its all worth it.. yes i know they were living together right from the start, though he tried to keep it from me, but im not as dumb as he is. i dont think there is still love, i cant feel it anymore. and that is the saddest thing. we tried, but it ended up being like this. we keep on arguing on stupid things, i easily get mad when there are expectations that leads to disappointments.how do i get to appreciate this when what we are right now is nothing compared to what we used to be? WE NEVER TALK ABOUT US ANYMORE, we go out together like once a month, once every two weeks. I WAS LEFT ALONE WITH MY FRIENDS. when he should be the one who's beside me, shopping, going out of town, everything.. before i was his first priority and now i dont know where i stand or who am i for him. all i know is that i dont wanna stay this way.. 2 years have been wasted. and I THINK THAT IS TOO MUCH. when in this kind of situation I think no one would try to stay, but i did.

TRIAL AND ERROR??

we never even celebrated our "fourth year FUCKING anniversary" last june 28. I was the first one to greet him, that day there was nothing special, i dont know if he remembered it or he just didnt care. damn now i dont even have a man to celebrate anniversaries with? what should i call him? A TEXTMATE?

i wanted to tell him "HEY JHE YOU'RE THE BIGGEST PART OF THIS, ITS NOT EVEN ABOUT ME.WHAT HAPPENED TO US AND THOSE THINGS YOU PROMISED ME??!" but at this point, HONESTLY, me myself still aint sure if Im ready, ready to leave him and live without him with no regrets and try to forget those memories.. I tried to do that so many times, but i failed, now i dont know..
i dont know if he still feels the same way. dont know if should still take the risk. BUT MY HEART IS FILLED WITH JUST PAIN AND ANGER. NO LOVE. BUT TEARS STILL KEEP ON FALLING. MAN I'M STUCKED. SAVE ME.
LOVE WHERE ARE YOU??im still on the wrong track.

..|..